Comedians Give Their New Years Resolutions


I dropped by Pat Dixon’s NYC Crime Report and ran into Joe DeVito with whom I had a very existential conversation, unusual between two comics waiting to do a show, but very powerful concerning Happiness, which I always capitalize for its importance in our lives, relationships, and what the comedy business can do to you if you’re not careful. Joe told me he’s doing David Feldman’s The David Feldman Show every Tuesday where they discuss politics, current events and all kinds of personal stuff. We both agreed that Crime Report is a very unique and unusual show, that could only be done by Pat Dixon, and Joe has a lot of changes planned for 2018.

Harrison Greenbaum got in touch from Australia where he’s been hosting “The Unbelievables: The Greatest Variety Show on Earth.” He performs comedy and magic throughout the show, and says he’s thrilled to be in a cast that includes some of the top variety acts from around the world. He previously toured with The Illusionists: Direct from Broadway, which is also produced by the Works, the same company behind The Unbelievables, and he said he’s “super-thrilled to debut at the Sydney Opera House, as well as tour to the Arts Centre Melbourne and the Crown Theatre in Perth.” He’s been getting standing ovations and says that the Australian audiences have been awesome at the Opera House and it has been an absolute dream come true. His hopes are that it tours worldwide which could actually happen! I’m pretty sure he got personal congrats from Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman who came backstage to congratulate him.

Can’t forget to mention the holiday party at The Stand which was packed with comics and featured a carving table with a chef doling out plates of delicious roast, passed hors-d’oeuvres ( hope I spelled that right!) plus a killer D.J. and partying up and downstairs. Although downstairs turned into an amazing Karaoke scene with Yamanieka Saunders doing an incredible version of Ceelo Green’s “Fuck You” joined spontaneously by Monroe Martin who jumped up on stage with his own mic to do a duet. Jordan Rock rocked out to a song, if you will excuse the expression, as did Reggie Conquest. They also had a really cool kind of photo booth and when and took their photos she was finally able to convince him that he looks Puerto Rican. I actually heard him agree. Maybe it’s the hat! Also there was Dave Attell, Michael Che, Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson with whom I took photos in the booth, Ricky Velez who’s back to black (hair that is!), Sherrod Small who’s always been black, Ben Rosenfeld, Sheba Mason, Andrew Lee, Molly Austin, comedy exec Maureen Taran, Tom McCaffrey, Joyelle, and even Piper Berg who brought her parents this time, Aaron and Christine who were kind enough to let me hold her during the festivities. She’s so cool she never cries or makes a sound, no matter how crowded it is around her. A real comedy infant!

Adam Ferrara is still in town from LA headlining at Gotham and performing there again last night on New Year’s Eve. Packed audience the night I went despite the ridiculous cold. Erin Jackson had a stand out set.

Kevin Brown from 30 Rock dropped by West Side Comedy Club to do a set, and nationally known powerhouse lawyer/lobbyist Brad Gerstman was feted with his very own private Roast at the and it was a big success! I know cause I was there and even hosted the thing! It was also a surprise. As a joke they took Brad’s face and made masks on a stick and when he came into the room he saw a roomful of his face looking back at him. It was in the Milton Berle room which is lined with celeb photos from back in the day. so as a topper they took Brad’s photo and replaced all the photos of the old great comedians with his. It was a really fun and memorable day!

And now for some New Years resolutions from a great variety of this town’s comedians, and a few from out of town too! Some tried to be funny as comedians tend to do, others seem quite serious. Compare them to your own:

Dave Juskow– This year I’m going to make a conscious effort not to get booed off stage. But I’m not promising anything because it’s become my signature bit. Also, portion control.

Brian Fischler– the sight challenged comedian who produces Laugh for Sight-   My New Years resolution is in two parts: to lose as much weight as possible so I can sexually harass like the rest of rich white America; and to tweet the most offensive despicable ideas I can come up with and then claim my account was hacked

Tom Kelly – the warm up comedian from “The View” and “Good Morning America.” – My comedy resolution? I lost (and found) another comedy notebook. My resolution is to transcribe notes from the handwritten notebook every night onto a laptop. That way if I lose a notebook in the field . . . I haven’t lost my material. I’m convinced that if I stop losing notebooks, I’ll have enough material for that sitcom we’ve all been dreaming of. One of my other resolutions is to do more “video blogging” and to pay it forward. As a part of my video blog “Tom Kelly Show.” I’ve made a video answering the question “What is the first step to being a comedian?” I figure every comic can use this video to send to everyone who annoys them about being a stand up comic.

Marc Gerber – My resolution is to become more decisive, but I’m also considering a couple of other options.

Sandy Ehlers – Same as last year honey : Lose weight and get a date and remember this life is great !!!!

Brett Eidman – My New Years resolution is – As with most people, I would like to spend more time with Jeffrey Gurian.

Andrew Steiner – My New Year’s Resolution is to double my Instagram Followers and halve my Facebook friends.

Kevin Gootee – My resolution is to get seasons 7 and 8 of Comics Watching Comics out next year. Also, getting pitch meetings for my other shows I’m working on.

Kenny Warren – My New Years resolution is to work smarter, not harder, while collaborating with more of the most talented individuals in the country!

Cathy Ladman – I resolve to let change happen and not fight it!

Teddy Smith – To get on two late night shows ; Tape a standup special & sell it to Netflix; Go on tour; Take my career to the next level

Nancy Lombardo – I resolve to never give up being a 10…size 10!

Gladys Simon – To return the pillows to that My Pillow Guy. ( This is true) Now I have to do it … ugh! I hate returning things!”

Rick Overton – I resolve to never make resolutions ever again. And I won’t even be able to keep that one either. (And in about two weeks Rick starts back up on Showtime’s “I’m Dyinig Up Here)

Rich DeLayo – Comic and owner of Yonkers Comedy Club – I’ll have to make something up because I stopped lying to myself years ago. I get along with myself much better since then!

Elon Altman – To grow my hair out until I can achieve the full Gurian ‘do.

Dan LaMorte – My real resolution should be to quit smoking, but part of me only says that because my parents will probably read this. But also because when I had a big show cancelled this year, instead of people just assuming the show was canceled, they assumed I had died or was dying. A bit shocking for a 22 year old. Career wise though, my resolution is to iron out the new hour in 2018 and tape in 2019! Happy New Year.

Doug Kleiman – My New Year’s resolution: I defer making any resolutions until the Chinese New Year…I then reserve the right to defer again until the Jewish New Year,..and so on.(it’s my “snooze button” for making New Years resolutions).

Marty Caproni– My New Year’s resolution is pretty simple … say more onstage, do more offstage, and just get better!

Johnny McCarthy – I am going to be funnier and be on TV next year!

Perry Strong – My new years resolution includes spending more time with love ones, less time wasted, more stand up, more paid acting gigs, no more dating women over 30 cause I like nice things (J/K), another MANDOM album currently being worked on as MANDOM TOO, a second run at a self produced hour of stand up, finishing this stand up screenplay and pilot, and most importantly staying healthy, sober, present and prepared for any opportunities that might present themselves. No more false starts.

Steve Kramer – 1. Earn more money 2. Increase my finances 3. Generate a greater amount of currency 4. Eat health 5. Broaden the horizons of my Bitcoin capabilities

LaTice Klapa – I do not have any resolutions. I’ve been working very hard for several months of 2017 to reach specific goals. I have the seeds planted for a successful 2018!

Steve Whalen– AKA Mr Jokes – My New Year’s “Resolution”: 4K!!! That’s right, it’s Ultra High Def – ‘cuz you gotta be “High” and “Def” to enjoy my comedy!!! Which reminds me, my last audience was 4K, YEAH, just 4 people who all said “K”!!! Happy New Year!!!

AMarie Castillo – I produce six shows in NYC and host most of them. I would like to try and pack the house every time, and become a monster host like James Mattern, Jamie Roberts, Janice Messitte, and Aaron Berg. That is a huge goal of mine. I want to host house shows, there aren’t many female house hosts out there and I want to change that. I want to commit to my writing more, I feel as if my networking has paid off, but now I want to get stronger on stage and with my material. It’s easy to party and drink when your out performing, and I have tried to cut out drinking as much a possible on the nights I perform. Lastly this goes with hosting I want to expand my brand “part time bro” and become a house host in comedy clubs and eventually become
A TV or radio personality (hopefully in sports)!

Peaches Rodriguez – I’m finding the world to have become sarcastic & sardonic…the trend of late is darkness in most movies entertainment and other comedians. I’m not digging it. This year I’m no longer afraid to be a little corny.
I’ll embrace the happy ending in a hallmark channel movie, and not the happy ending in an X rated movie. Peaches in 2018 will write more jokes! Dance more hours! Tell friends and family how much more I appreciate them.
Share my dance comedy life experiences with young kids.Teach more. Enjoy life more and gain more “flow” in everything I do.

Mark Anthony Ramirez – To be a better dad by making so much money I can buy my kids love, loyalty and attention. To lose weight by eating more. To get engaged and plan a wedding where I’m allowed to sing a song I actually know all the words to. Film television pilot, comedy special and a movie I wrote. And to perform at most of, if not all the comedy clubs in NYC and L.A. regularly.

Del Harrison – all the way from LA – For my New Years resolution, I’m going on a “complain” diet. I’m doing it cold turkey too. Just flat out not complaining about anything. I’ve already started actually and it’s really testing my will power but I’m rolling up my sleeves, putting on Michelle Obama arms and kicking it to the curb.

Jeff “FatRatBastard” Pirrami – who will be hosting the Burlesque show at the Borgata NYE, and will start his 6th year on the show in May …. And will start filming the movie”Good Friday” soon – I will try to work clean at least once a month…I will try to work NYC comedy clubs once a month…I will promote myself better…I will try to lose a few pounds…Do more charity shows.

Dougie Almeida – sent from on his way from Lake Tahoe to his show in Reno- his resolutions are 1. Quit drinking for 90 days but smoke more weed 2. Start seeing a therapist, an Asian massage therapist (Particularly funny because he’s married to an Asian woman) 3. Stop eating pizza unless I’m in New York

Danny Lobell – formerly from NY and now from L.A. – This year I’m going to build some new skills to take on stage with me, I signed up for an acting class and my goal is to paint richer more detailed pictures of my stories and jokes for the audience… oh and of course to lose 100lbs.

Danny has a lot going on. He has a new album out called “Danny Lobell, the nicest boy in Barcelona“ He also has an autobiographical comic book coming out next month called “Fair Enough“ which Chronicles stories from his life as a comedian. And his podcast Modern Day Philosophers with Danny Lobell features comedians discussing the ideas of various philosophers throughout history. Some past guests on the show have been , , Maria Bamford, and . And his new one-man show “Fat Chance” about his struggles with a lifetime of fighting obesity will premier at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in August.

Barry Ribs – I can’t remember the last time I made any. So to participate truthfully, I will say I hope to be more sociable rather then always isolating. One last thing, … as an emotional abuse survivor, to try to be aware that the success of my career is healing me, and to allow myself to feel the new feelings that have been foreign to me my whole life.

As for me, I’d like to continue trying to put out positive energy to The Universe, and lending support by helping to promote comedians who deserve it, cause it’s the hardest thing in the world to do. Most people in the world have the luxury of experiencing whatever they’re going through at the moment be it good or bad, but with comedians no matter what they’re facing in their personal lives, they still have to go out on stage and make other people laugh. It’s a crazy thing to do, when you really think about it! So support your fellow comics and tell them “Great set” when they get off stage, … especially when they deserve it!

Anyway I wish you all a very Happy and Healthy New Year cause without health you ain’t got nothin’! Sending love and light and hope to see you all and even more of you back here in 2018! And remember, … COMEDY MATTERS!!! Joke safely!!!

And with that, … I’m OUT!!!

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Jeffrey Gurian

Jeffrey Gurian is a comedian, comedy writer and author and one of the most well-known fixtures in the comedy world. You'll see him in clubs, at most comedy festivals, and at red carpets interviewing celebs for his Comedy Matters TV channel .

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